Tuesday, July 17, 2012

The Necessity of Life

          I have decided that life is a necessity for my well-being.  I thrive when surrounded by that which is living, be it plant, animal, or human.  I need the companionship of living beings.  I have only begun to realize this somewhat recently, as I began to seriously analyze the depression that customarily hits me whenever the Martian and I come back from some social activity or visiting.  Said depression would usually exhibit itself in the form of agitation and discontent with my current situation and a longing to be elsewhere, pretty much anywhere but here.  I had known that much of this was the result of the drastic changes usually associated with coming home after a great time, namely coming from a fun and active time and arriving home to a boring and listless environment.  But it is more than that.  It is the isolation and the deadness of being home that weighs heavily on my soul.  Thankfully, we now have Michael, and he really helps to liven up the atmosphere, but only fairly recently has he become comfortable enough to sing as much as I was hoping he would.  Before Michael, all I had were two plants to keep me company during the day, one of which kinda died on me.  
          The reason it has taken me so long to realize just how much I need life is because I had always counted myself as an introvert, a loner.  I spent many an hour alone in my high school years, wandering the neighbors' woods with my dog, and later my horse; I could spend hours contentedly reading some book or another, quite happy with not being bothered by another person's presence; so why was it so difficult for me to adjust to unemployed married life?  I was used to being alone for hours on end, so why was I so unhappy?  Because I never really was truly alone before.  That's right.  Though I was without human companionship and content with that, I was never really the only living thing around.  There were the dogs, cats, chickens, the horse, the great living outdoors which were my companions, and in the first 6 months of marriage, the only things I had for company for the majority of my time were my plants.  Talk about shock to my life and nature loving system!    
          What I really missed was the easy access to the woods.  Spending time in nature is like my spiritual, mental, and emotional recharging system.  The hours I spent wandering Karen's Woods brought me closer to God and provided a wonderful opportunity to meditate on the things going on in my life.  Here I was like a fish out of water, slowly suffocating in a foreign atmosphere.  Sure, there are trails around here, but not only are they public, they are popular as well, so the opportunity to get away from it all just kinda doesn't exist.    
          Originally, I was thinking of making the point that other things have a way of taking us out of ourselves, but I think I got a little sidetracked.  Though they do, and that is one reason why I think pets, or at the very least plants, are a good idea for kids, even if they have siblings to look out for.  There is something about other living things that get us thinking about something other than ourselves, and for me, my thoughts quite often turn to the Divine.  Anyway, more in line with the tone of the post, is the reflection that knowing what the problem is can often help one come to peace with the situation, even if nothing really changes from the knowledge, other than just the knowing.  Things are definitely much more improved for me, but knowing what the problem was is an added little bonus.  :)

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