Friday, August 17, 2012

Carthago Delenda Est

          It may be noted as not irrelevant here that certain anti-human antagonisms seem to recur in this tradition of black magic. There may be suspected as running through it everywhere, for instance, a mystical hatred of childhood. People would understand better the popular fury against the witches, if the remembered that the malice most commonly attributed to them was preventing the birth of children. The Hebrew prophets were perpetually protesting against the Hebrew race relapsing into an idolatry that involved such a war on children; and it is probable enough that this abominable apostasy from the God of Israel has occasionally appeared in Israel since, in the form of what is called ritual murder; not of course by any representative of the religion of Judaism, but by individual and irresponsible diabolists who did happen to be Jews. This sense that the forces of evil especially threaten childhood is found again in the enormous popularity of the Child Martyr of the Middle Ages. Chaucer did but give another version of a very national English legend, when he conceived the wickedest of all possible witches as the dark alien woman watching behind her high lattice and hearing, like the babble of a brook down the stony street, the singing of little St. Hugh.  G. K. Chesterton, The Everlasting Man
          So I have been slowly re-reading The Everlasting Man by G. K. Chesterton, and this quote really stuck out to me as one that is so pertinent to our current state of affairs.  While most of us readily assent to God being one of the living and not the dead, I'm fairly willing to assert that most of us do not continue the thought far enough to come to the conclusion that the Devil must be one for death rather than life.  I suppose this is because the idea of the demonic scares the snot out of most of us - I know it scares the snot out of me.  If God is of the living, then His opposite must be of the dead.  
          The Devil's work is quite obvious in this world, if viewed in such a way.  Many speak about a "war on women"; "war on the family"; "war against tradition"; but I believe these are all branches and covers for the real war, the war against children.  The Lord is the God of life, so what better way to smite Him than to wage war against the very thing which symbolizes life and brings hope to the world?  And to bring this war about under the banner of a distorted notion of "the Good"?  The most abhorrent societies in history are those which sacrificed their children to the "gods"; the sign of a declining society was one which held children in disdain; and our society must surely be counted among them.  Our ritual murder is named abortion, and at this altar we sacrifice our children to the "gods" of 'Selfishness', 'False Compassion', 'Misplaced Pity'.  There are those who preach the Culture of Death while clinging to the vestiture of Christianity, in defiance of the One who died so that all may live.  Though the Devil knows he can never ultimately win the war, it must bring him much delight to steal the souls who subscribe to his war cry of "Death!" under the guise of "Life", that which men greatly desire, and only God can give.
          But when Jesus saw it he was indignant, and said to them, "Let the children come to me, do not hinder them; for to such as these belongs the kingdom of God.  Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it."  Mark 10:14-15  RSV
          

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Calorie Counting

          So, with only 8 weeks til D-Day, it turns out that I am under-size.  In the past month, though the numbers on the scale have gone up, then inches of my tummy have only increased by 1.  Apparently not a sufficient number, and now I have to keep a food log for this week to see if I can increase my caloric intake.  And I'm not so sure it is working.  Yes, I am eating more, which is good, but the most calories I've been able to calculate is around 1500, which is an appallingly small number, considering I've been eating 8 times a day, and I can't imagine how few I was eating before actually making the effort to remind myself and force myself to eat more often.  Granted, the 1500 is not taking into consideration the caloric count of supper, mostly because I decided that math was too difficult for me to try and figure out, but still.  My best day was Friday at 1856, which included pizza and a milkshake (though I had to guess the calories for both of them, and may have been too conservative).  This whole food thing has been the most stressful and frustrating part of pregnancy for me - there is too much to keep track of (protein intake, now caloric intake) and it gets me all frazzled real quick.  *sigh*  And I'm probably going to get in trouble when I hand in my food log for not eating enough protein.  Top it all off, a friend informed me the other day that there is a possibility that my appetite may not come back after delivery, even if I am breast feeding, so my only hope may have just flown out the window!  :-/

Monday, August 13, 2012

One Year

          Wow.  It has been a whole year since I took The Martian as my husband, and he took me as his wife.  And we have come such a long way since that day.  The first six months were hard, due in part to what we didn't even realize were unrealistic expectations; little hopes, dreams, and promises that could have been fulfilled but the effort they needed wasn't taken; failures in communication in regards to the disappointment of the aforementioned, or the unexpressed desire for new things to do.  Adjusting was hard, there is no doubt about it.  Even if you do marry your best friend and think you know a ton about them, there is going to be a bit of a learning curve when you move in with them.  Sure, you learned a lot about them when you were dating, but now you have to learn how to live with them.  You will see more of who they are in a week living with them than you have with however much time you spent dating.  How goofy, silly, serious, weak, strong they really are.  And it will be good.  They will be learning a whole lot about you as well, and it will be good.  It will take time to adjust to the rhythms of living life with each other, and when that eventually happens you will once again remember exactly why it was that you wanted to do this whole crazy marriage thing in the first place.  As with most things in life, those that are the hardest to achieve are the most worthwhile, and marriage is no exception. 
          Through all of the turmoil and strife (that I mostly caused...), The Martian has been there for me.  As many times as we had both thought "What have I gotten myself into?"; as many times as I have failed to be the woman I am supposed to be, even the woman we both thought I was;  as many times as I thought I honestly could not do this anymore, The Martian was there to hold me and not once did he let go.  He is my best friend, my support, my lover - everything I need and then some.  Though I know we have a lot to work on - that whole helping each other get to heaven bit needs constant attention - I also know that this is where we are supposed to be, where God wants us, and we are going to make it.  
I love you, Mister, and here's to many, many more years together!  <3

Friday, August 10, 2012

The First Time

          So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created them.  And God blessed them, and God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air and over every living thing that moves upon the earth."  Genesis, 1:27-28 RSV
          I found myself wondering the other day what it might have been like to be Eve.  You know, to be the first woman ever, and therefore be the first woman to ever experience pregnancy.  I'm sure she and Adam were aware of how babies came to be, especially before The Fall when they had all that super-knowledge and everything, but there certainly is a difference between knowing intellectually and actually experiencing something.  Eve didn't have a mom or friends to give her advice and tell her the general things to expect.  After The Fall, she lost her super-knowledge and was left in the dark regarding the workings of her body - what must it have been like to undergo the physical and emotional changes of pregnancy with no foreknowledge whatsoever?  Can you imagine how a conversation between Adam and Eve could have gone that first time 'round?
Eve:  "Adam, I think something funny is going on.  I've been feeling these weird bumps and things inside my tummy all day...  Do you think it's getting bigger?  I do..."
Adam:  "Now that you mention it, I do suppose your stomach is a bit protrude-y....  Hold on a minute, let me go check out the sheep."  (Wanders out to the field, comes back)  "Well, I'm no expert, but I think you just might be...with lamb."  
Well, I suppose it could have gone a bit differently, but it most likely was a monumental moment for both of them when they finally realized what was going on - together we made another person, and I am are carrying him inside of me!
          Thankfully, though, they did have a bit of insight into what labor and birth would be like (God can be kinda nice like that):  To the woman he said, "I will greatly multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children, yet your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you."  Genesis, 3:16 RSV  I can't imagine what it would be like to be facing labor and birth without knowing what it might be like.  Though perhaps not knowing about the pain at all might have been better....  Nah.  I'd rather know it was going to hurt, at least then I could sort of pretend like I could prepare.  I'm told that there can be great pain and agony during childbirth, and sometimes even afterward, but such horror stories are also accompanied by "But it's all worth it to have this little one to love."  Pretty sure Eve must have felt the same way:  The man called his wife's name Eve, because she was the mother of all the living.  Genesis, 3:20 RSV

Monday, August 6, 2012

Necesse Est...

          I need to run.  Badly.  It happens when I get stressed, worried, have something on my mind.  I feel the tenseness almost to the core of my being, my muscles itching and burning for a release.  Running.  It is a need to run until I can't run anymore, until my mind and body are clear again.  Running prevents a minor emotional breakdown which would leave me feeling slightly better emotionally, but physically sick and tired.  I need to run, and badly.  But my pregnant body cannot physically handle it anymore.  To run as I wish to run would leave me hobbling, eventually incapacitating my ability to move at all.  Would that I could go for a run!
          Today hasn't turned out quite the way I had thought it would.  I had a decent amount of things I had hoped to do today, and maybe a quarter of them got done.  It's not the end of the world, I know, but sometimes it feels like it.  And I'm beginning to worry and stress about this whole having a baby thing, as in about two months I will be giving birth and will have a baby to take care of.  Kind of an overwhelming thought right now.  I'm not that worried about the actual labor itself, but more about the after part.  The part where your sore, and hormones are all out of whack, and life is so completely different than it was before.  I can't do this; I'm not ready.  9 weeks.  6-ish weeks until we have to start paying attention for signs of labor. I am not ready for this whole new level of being a grown up.  Oh how I wish I could go for a run right now!