Body Shame

     Things have been kind of, well, tumultuous here lately. And by lately I mean pretty much since Little Miss was born, so, like, nearly 7 months. But not in a bad way - more like in a growing can kind of be tough way. I have been thinking and pondering and contemplating so much, but haven't really felt like buckling down and blogging about it, mostly because I'm really good at making excuses to avoid as much "conflict" as possible, even if it really makes things worse in the long run. Cryptic, I know, but I'll explain eventually. 
     Today, though, I did something I *never* do:  I tucked my outside shirt in. HUGE victory for me in the body image department. You see, I never got around to explaining how ashamed I have been of my body, though not for the reasons you might think. I've never been fat; I've never been too skinny; I don't have stretchmarks anywhere that people would see in everyday interaction. In fact, my body was the envy of some people, and it probably still is. And that, in part, is what I have been ashamed of, especially considering I have done nothing to "work" for it - this is just how I am. What I was even more ashamed of, though, is the fact that I have curves. That my body is a female body. That my body will inevitably be the object of some males' lust, at some point. I was ashamed of the very essence of my being. So I did everything I could to avoid "showing it off". Low rise jeans, un-tucked & unfitted shirts, dresses that didn't have a defined waist. There was a point where I preferred men's jeans to women's because women's were too "form fitting" for me. Even the non-skinny ones. So, the fact that I chose to tuck my shirt in, and leave the house with it like that, is a huge thing for me. No, you can't really see any curves, but still. Big thing. 
     Much (most?) of the tumult has been around me working on accepting who I am, who God made me to be. At 28, I am only just beginning to accept that it is a good thing for me to be a female, to be interested in what are socially considered feminine things, to dress in a way that enhances my femininity. It's tough, but it will be well worth it in the end. Linking up with Rosie for What I Wore Sunday!

Comments

  1. Such a sweet post! Good for you for tucking in your shirt!! I'm not a tucker-inner, but my reason is more to do with my momma-of-8-belly. And I'm totally ok with that.

    Love that you found the socks in your woods - lol! I bet there's a story to tell with that one? I love to wear fun and funky socks too, so I noticed your adorable socks right away!!

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    1. Thanks! Oh, there is a story, but it's kind of long. :-P We have so much random stuff in our woods.

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  2. You are beautiful! I'm so glad you had the confidence to show your shape - we're given so many conflicting opinions about our bodies, it's hard to know what to believe when faulty opinions take hold... That shirt is the perfect color on you! So glad you linked up :)

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    1. Thanks, Rosie. Can you believe, when I got it, I was all like "But. It has *pink*in it. I dunno about this..."? It is one of my favorites now!

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  3. Love the shirt! And definitely want to hear the socks found in the woods story that you so easily brushed over, haha!

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  4. Thanks for sharing this, you are beautiful! I agree, we need to hear the sock story! :)

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  5. You are lovely inside and out :)

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  6. Visiting from wiws link up. I love this post. Thank for sharing....
    Agree with Rachel ^ you're very lovely!

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