Today, though, I did something I *never* do: I tucked my outside shirt in. HUGE victory for me in the body image department. You see, I never got around to explaining how ashamed I have been of my body, though not for the reasons you might think. I've never been fat; I've never been too skinny; I don't have stretchmarks anywhere that people would see in everyday interaction. In fact, my body was the envy of some people, and it probably still is. And that, in part, is what I have been ashamed of, especially considering I have done nothing to "work" for it - this is just how I am. What I was even more ashamed of, though, is the fact that I have curves. That my body is a female body. That my body will inevitably be the object of some males' lust, at some point. I was ashamed of the very essence of my being. So I did everything I could to avoid "showing it off". Low rise jeans, un-tucked & unfitted shirts, dresses that didn't have a defined waist. There was a point where I preferred men's jeans to women's because women's were too "form fitting" for me. Even the non-skinny ones. So, the fact that I chose to tuck my shirt in, and leave the house with it like that, is a huge thing for me. No, you can't really see any curves, but still. Big thing.
Much (most?) of the tumult has been around me working on accepting who I am, who God made me to be. At 28, I am only just beginning to accept that it is a good thing for me to be a female, to be interested in what are socially considered feminine things, to dress in a way that enhances my femininity. It's tough, but it will be well worth it in the end. Linking up with Rosie for What I Wore Sunday!
|Shirt - Motherhood Maternity (gift)|
Skirt - Tranquility by Colorado Clothing (Goodwill)
Shoes - Bongo (Kmart)
Socks - found in our woods
Necklace - friendship charm (gift)