Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Cutting Corners

I was cutting up an obsolete rectangle today and it occurred to me that the more one cuts corners, the more corners one has to deal with. Kind of like the hydra:  for every one corner cut, two more appear. Which brought to mind the idiom "cutting corners" (to take shortcuts which usually reduce the quality of a work), and how doing so usually doesn't work out so well. Perhaps this is why.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Accidental Cheater

     I had thought about this topic over the winter when my then fiance and I had been about 15 months apart and still had 8 months before our wedding, and it has just recently come to my mind again.  
     Now, there is never a good enough reason to cheat, ever, for cheating is taking that which is properly due to one and giving it to another to whom it is not, and such a thing is an offense against justice. That being said, I have come to an understanding of how some may come to find themselves accidentally in a cheating situation, especially if they are in long-distance relationships. There are different kinds of cheating, broken down most basically into emotional and physical, with physical being the one which most identify as cheating. (Again, a little disclaimer, sexual infidelity can not be accidental. Sex requires an act of the will, an act of consent for one's body to be acted upon in such a way, which is manifestly different than one realizing that he has had one too many without intending to.) Most cheating situations, at least for women, I think, begin with the emotional and culminate with the physical, and are a result of loneliness which they may not even know existed at first.
     To begin:  the accidental cheater does not realize what they are doing at the start. It most likely starts with a friendship, probably a new one. This friendship is new and exciting, intriguing and interesting, as most unknown things which peak our curiosity are. Being friends, they spend time together which is not a bad thing, and it is good to stay social even with one's loved one so far away. But the absence of the loved one, the unavailability leaves the cheater with a hole, an emptiness in themselves which it is hard not to fill. This new friendship does something to ease the burden of loneliness and is innocent enough.  
     Slowly, the two new friends find themselves more drawn to each other, for they get along easily and understand each other well. Oh, there is no danger of anything happening between them, for it is all very well understood that the one is taken. The cheater still talks to the beloved every night, though with slightly less enthusiasm than before, and begins to more eagerly looks for the next time they will interact with the new friend. The beloved-shaped hole in them has been filled by this new friend. No, it is not an exact fit, nor does it seem to fully satisfy, but soon enough they are talking of matters, emotions, thoughts which are proper to the intimacy of lover and beloved, which they are not. Such mental and emotional intimacy, if left unchecked, will eventually lay claim to physical intimacy as well. 
     Thus has the cheater robbed their far-off beloved of that which was due to them as beloved:  both mental and emotional intimacy, which by nature, further demand the completeness of physical intimacy. It is easy to end up in such a spot without realizing it, for what could be more good and desirable than to have close friends?  Especially when one is lonely? How hard it is to keep that beloved-shaped hole unfilled! How difficult to say no to companionship when man is by nature a social being! Nevertheless, such situations must be guarded against, lest one end up as the cheating kind. But I do understand how one may be accidentally a cheater.  

Tuesday, November 1, 2011


     Well, Fall Break has come and gone for my alma mater. It wasn't very long ago, just about two years in fact, that I was still counting time by the number of breaks, and how soon it was that I would be home again. Now, I am off and married (just over 2 months), making a new home for myself. And, in uniting myself to my husband, I also unite myself to his family, and gain his childhood home as well. So now I have three homes:  the one in which I grew up, the one in which my husband grew up, and the one we are making together. With so many, it is sometimes difficult to keep up with the places in conversation. For example, it is pretty simple to know where each of us is referring when we are in our home. But it was not quite so easy to keep things straight when we went back to his home in OH to visit last weekend. I would mention such and such a thing about home, and would be questioned as to which one I meant:  ours in VA, or mine back in NH. Anyway, that trip is what started me thinking on the subject, and the remembrance of breaks helped to keep my interest.
     With three "homes", I got to wondering what it is, exactly, which constitutes a home. Is it a particular place in which I have resided? The place I am currently residing? Is it "where the heart is"? Does it consist more of people, rather than location? Where fond memories can be found? Am I wrong to continue to think of a place where I am no longer living as my home? Such has been my train of thought these past few weeks, off and on.
     All in all, I have come to understand that home is a wonderful conglomeration of almost all of the things queried above. Home, I believe, is almost a state of mind - it is the memory of joys and sorrows, fun times and incredibly boring times spent with those whom one loves, and applied to the place where one is either at the moment residing or the place where he once resided, if such memories exist. Thus it can be, that when one goes back to the home of his childhood, though it be it found crumbling beneath the weight of the years, such a place can and forever will be seen as home still.  
     Therefore, I shall feel guilt no longer when referring to NH as home, for it was there that the majority of the memories of my life thus far came into existence, and shall always be so dear to my heart because of it. I shall not fear to call OH my home as well, for I have been happily accepted into my husband's family, and many memories will be made there, which in the future will add to the richness of my life. Finally, I shall endeavor with all of my heart to transform this foreign place of VA into my home as well, fashioning for myself new memories which will enable me soon enough to fully think of this alien land as home too. 
Good Ol' New Hampshire