Monday, April 2, 2012

Ugh! Not *That Feeling* Again.....Which Then Turned Into Deep Thoughts

          For the most part, feeling nasty physically seems to be gone.  Though I think it has been replaced with:  coughing too deep (which really isn't deep at all) turns on the gag reflex (which is very difficult to turn off again), and thus in turn becomes a need to evacuate the stomach contents (an impulse which I have so far found impossible to stop, though I do try my best...).  Now, this really isn't so bad, and is quite a huge improvement, but that little part of me that wishes it were all over with still pipes up now and then.
          On the other hand, there is a part of me that is somewhat glad to still be having such physical issues.  That little worrier part of me, that reads "sickness = still pregnant = baby fine".  I know such, um, logic is really not very rational, but for that part of me, it is a comfort.  I'm only at 13 weeks (11 baby weeks), so there are really no other physical signs indicating that I am pregnant - I'm not showing, I haven't gained much weight at all, Baby Chick is still too small for me to feel movement.  "Morning sickness" is the only thing I have that lets me know week by week, day by day, that things are still fine with the baby, that I haven't somehow lost my child and just don't know it yet.  I know it's all rather irrational, and quite possibly downright silly, but I can't help it.    
          I guess it's probably because I really want this, so much more than I had ever thought possible.  I've said before, the whole "being a Mom" thing was never really one of my dreams growing up - I was more of a "let's start a horse ranch out in the middle of nowhere" type.  But the more I babysit, and the more I hang around with friends who have babies, the more I am beginning to realize that this is what I am made for.  I find much fulfillment in helping, teaching, and taking care of people, and that is what raising children is all about:  helping, teaching, and taking care of people!  Guiding, nurturing them as they grow and seeing the amazing people they grow up to be!  How awesome is that?  
          I know I could do great things for the world, if I chose a different life and really put my mind to it.  But I am only one woman, and my reach is extremely limited.  Ah!  If I were to raise 7 children to successful adulthood, how much more vast would be the works which could be done!  7 times the difference I could have made, and I would have the pleasure and satisfaction (yes, I'm a wee bit prideful) of saying:  "Those are my children; I taught them the basics of all they know!"  How enticing it is to do great things, and have renown; but how much better to be the mother of such a person!

Well, that's my thinking, at least.  

1 comment:

  1. I am so glad to hear you're embracing motherhood so fiercely! I know you'll be amazing. :) Bundles of love and bushels of prayer for you and the little chick. :)