Aimless

     Just going to start this off by saying my uninhibited scrolling of Facebook, Instagram, those clickbait articles on You Won't Believe These 40 Things, etc. isn't helping. I can tell it is making it worse. This feeling of aimless overwhelm. The scrolling definitely lends to the feeling that I was in the middle of something, and can't remember what. It turns out that the human brain desperately needs closure, and the endless scrolling that social media affords is really doing us a disservice. I can feel the scrolling killing the creativity that treating my depression/anxiety was actually allowing to come back. 

    This post isn't really going to have a point, I don't think. I just need to get stuff out, but not like in a diary. Out where real people can encounter it. Though I'm turning comments off because I can't add to the input overwhelm right now. Which brings me back to social media. I know I need to have boundaries with it, limits, but I'm not sure how to do that. I'm afraid of cutting back and missing out on stuff. It also serves as an outlet for me, to get stuff out of my head. But right now I think some of the accounts I'm following are just adding to the noise. Not in a bad way, they definitely are topics that need to be addressed, and have given me a lot of good stuff to think about, in regards to life, motherhood, the Faith, race relations... I'm afraid that I'll miss stuff if I unfollow for a while, I'm afraid that I won't remember who to follow again. But I also recognize that my current habits are not elevating my life. I'm feeling called to renewal, I think. Kind of a going back to the basics, in life, in my Faith. Trying to find the one thing needed. 

I'm very drawn to the Eastern Catholic Churches right now. (Did you know there are 23 in communion with Rome?!) The beauty of the icons, the singing in the Liturgy, the way families seem welcomed and encouraged, the earthiness of it (have you seen how they bless the closest body of water on Theophany Sunday?) It just speaks to the depths of my soul... Though our parish women's group hosted a talk on the differences between the Eastern and Western Catholic Churches, and the speaker did say that the Eastern believers don't appreciate people switching ships, so to speak, because the Roman (only Western) Catholic Church has it's own deep traditions that seem to have fallen by the wayside, at least here in the U.S. (I'm personally coming to believe that the U.S. is where traditions from the motherland come to die, and that's why we as Americans don't really have any solid traditions, but that's a post for another time.) 

I don't know. I don't know what to do. How do I make time for what is important for me, and still keep up with the kids that I'm not doing school with but need to be, and also make sure we spend enough time outside, and see friends, and eat food, and clean house and clothes, and shop, and, and, and... I just don't know. (insert defeated face here)