Gifting
With the holiday gifting season rapidly approaching (Order your gifts now! The small businesses and carriers will thank you!), I thought it might be a pertinent time to finally type out my recent revelation in regards to the two different kinds of givers/receivers I've noticed. First, some background, because I have been
Spring semester of my freshman year, Dr. Damian Fedoryka gave a talk at Christendom about giving gifts. (The link will show you it was actually much deeper than that, but my brain got stuck on his opening example. Also, I should probably listen to it again, because at the moment I very much disagree with the premise laid out in the article. Sorry JPII) His opening story (as I remember it) was if you were a girl on a walk, and some old guy picked a flower and offered it to you, what would your response be? One of the girls in my class answered saying she would say "No thank you," because she wasn't interested in him. And Dr. Fedoryka was like "Yes! Because accepting a gift means you are accepting a part of the giver!" And it was about then that I got stuck because 1. a flower is just a flower; 2. (people pleaser alert) wouldn't it be kind of rude to not accept a gift; 3. back again to a flower is just a flower, why should it have any more meaning than that. I really don't remember any of the rest of the talk, and that story has bugged me ever since, and it was only this year that I was finally able to understand why.
I have come to the conclusion that there are two different kinds of givers/receivers. One gives with the thought of the receiver in mind. These people will see something that reminds them of you because it is something that you would like, and get it for you because they knew you would like it. They will spend their gift buying time searching for things they know that the recipient will like. As recipients, these people tend to enjoy things that show you thought of them.
For the second kind of giver, we need to examine how they receive gifts, or what gifts mean to them. This type would probably be best classified as a sentimental. They'll cherish something simply because you gave it to them, and every time they use/see it they think of you. They might tend to reach for the thing if they want to feel a particular connection to you. As givers, these people also tend to give gifts as an extension of themselves, as a way of sort of reaching across the distance, leaving a little bit of themselves with you even when they can't actually be present.
I had thought that I was just not a good gift giver. Giving and receiving gifts never ranks very high on my five love languages test scores. But it turns out I fall into the first category of giver/receiver. I am actually pretty good at giving gifts that I think my people will like - it just takes me a really long time before I feel I know a person well enough to find stuff I am pretty confident that they will actually like. This is also why Dr. Fedoryka's example seemed off to me. From my point of view, giving gifts is about the recipient - what they would like and appreciate, and has nothing to do with me as a giver. I am just the vehicle for bringing you a bit of joy. I saw this, thought you would like it, you do yay!, you don't then I clearly don't know you as well as I thought, better luck next time. Either way, that's it, end of story. You don't like it, I don't feel rejected as a person; you do like it, I don't feel affirmed as a person, because it isn't about me. It's about you, and your joy. However, Dr. Fedoryka's example definitely falls into the sentimental category, and I guess so does JPII's Hermeneutics of the Gift... And that style of gift giving comes across as "selfish" to me. (Which is why I should listen to the talk again.)
However, I think coming to this understanding has actually helped me to become a better gift giver, because I can read what kind of gift receiver a person is by the gifts I receive. As such, I thought it might help you, too. One of the ways to discern your gifting style is to gauge your reaction to gifts. Do you prefer things that are "practical", that fall into a well known category of your likes, or are you perplexed by why someone would give you something with seemingly no thought of you in it? You are most likely the first type. Do you really love that blanket so-and-so gave you, or those cute socks, but super unimpressed with the bulk socks (even if you did need them)? Then you are most likely the second type. See if you can guess which giver/receiver the people in your life are. Good luck, and happy gifting!
**Seriously, though, order sooner than later.