Only A Mere Woman

I have been feeling overwhelmed lately. For good reason - this summer we made the monumental decision to move states, and the process has been 1. overwhelming like expected, 2. way easier than anticipated in some ways, and 3. way more difficult in others. I have not had much down time, and have been compensating for that by doom scrolling. As one does. Have I mentioned I highly suspect ADHD, with a possible side of Au? *leaves to check archives* It appears I have not. That must have just been a FB post, then. But I do.  [GUESS WHAT! I decided to make a blog post of my FB post, so now it is indeed in the archives. You're welcome.]  Anyway. Most of my off time has been go to bed as soon as the toddler is asleep and get up when the toddler wakes up; or watch cookie or cake decorating videos or scroll 'til I am loopy, go to bed and get up when the toddler wakes up. Either way, the only output I've managed for the past many months has been what it takes to take care of everyone...

       Not all autistic people fit into what our stereotypes of them are. In fact, most of them don't. I have no official diagnosis of either ADHD or Autism/Asperger's, but it was suggested in therapy that my mental processes might be different, and many of the videos by people who are diagnosed as ADHD are more relatable than probably just coincidence. The one thing that really convinced me, though, that perhaps my therapist was right, was this checklist. Most specifically section H, #15. "Feels significantly younger on the inside than on the outside (perpetually twelve)" - that is *exactly* how I feel on the inside. Some days I might feel as old as 18-20, but most days it's 12. Makes acting as an authority figure extremely challenging.      I don't care enough to pursue an official diagnosis of either "disorder" - I'm happy enough to have found an explanation for the alienation I have felt all my life. The labels have brought so much peace for...

           Sometime last summer I started making my own ginger bug and ginger beer. (Yes, there is a slight alcohol content, but you would have to practically drown yourself in it in order to get drunk.) Anyway, I figured I'd share my experience with you. Ginger bug is basically the sour dough starter of some homemade fermented drinks, typically 'soda'.             I have noticed that I am significantly less bloated and my digestion is better when I drink 6-8 oz at least every other day. Ginger could also help ease painful and long periods! Actual study:  https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25298352/   My post-childbearing periods have been significantly better than my pre-childbearing periods, but I have noticed they're even better when I've been consistently drinking my ginger beer.            First, I used these blogs as my references: Joshua Weissman has a nice simple post on how to ...

On the feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe, I gave my fiat .  We found out God had given us a surprise baby at the end of October. I was not pleased. My last pregnancy was horrific - full of so much physical, emotional, and mental pain. I did not think we would safely make it to the end of it. I have nothing against more babies - in fact, this past year was the first one ever where I felt anything that could be considered "baby fever". I had everything against pregnancy.  The first few weeks actually weren't that bad. I was able to keep the nausea at bay with lettuce and cucumbers, for the most part. And I was even able to manage my insomnia, thanks to a tip from a friend about adding calcium if extra magnesium wasn't helping. Unfortunately, that didn't last long. I ended up with pretty constant nausea, and my digestion wasn't moving like it should have, which made everything worse. The depression and anxiety didn't seem to spike much, which was a blessing, tho...

    With the holiday gifting season rapidly approaching (Order your gifts now! The small businesses and carriers will thank you!), I thought it might be a pertinent time to finally type out my recent revelation in regards to the two different kinds of givers/receivers I've noticed. First, some background, because I have been bothered by  thinking about this question for a very long time...       Spring semester of my freshman year, Dr. Damian Fedoryka gave a talk at Christendom about giving gifts. (The link will show you it was actually much deeper than that, but my brain got stuck on his opening example. Also, I should probably listen to it again, because at the moment I very much disagree with the premise laid out in the article. Sorry JPII) His opening story (as I remember it) was if you were a girl on a walk, and some old guy picked a flower and offered it to you, what would your response be? One of the girls in my class answered saying she w...

      Just going to start this off by saying my uninhibited scrolling of Facebook, Instagram, those clickbait articles on You Won't Believe These 40 Things, etc. isn't helping. I can tell it is making it worse. This feeling of aimless overwhelm. The scrolling definitely lends to the feeling that I was in the middle of something, and can't remember what. It turns out that the human brain desperately needs closure, and the endless scrolling that social media affords is really doing us a disservice. I can feel the scrolling killing the creativity that treating my depression/anxiety was actually allowing to come back.      This post isn't really going to have a point, I don't think. I just need to get stuff out, but not like in a diary. Out where real people can encounter it. Though I'm turning comments off because I can't add to the input overwhelm right now. Which brings me back to social media. I know I need to have boundaries with it, limits, but I'm not...

 9 years. 5 kids. 1 baby interceding for us before the face of God. I still prefer his company over anyone else. I guess you could say it's been a fruitful marriage. What you don't see, though, is how God has been using our personal pain and brokenness to pour grace into our hearts and bring forth healing. Unity. Safety.  Safety? Yes, safety. All my life I've felt rejected and ridiculed for being too much, yet not enough. But this man? He is the embodiment of unconditional love. He has seen the depths of my woundedness, and suffered as I've wrestled with my inner agony, more often than not wounding him also in the process. Yet, he's still here.  He's still here. In spite of my inner darkness, he still holds me and assures me that he will love me forever. No matter what.  A lifetime of perceived rejection is a formidable obstacle to overcome. Vulnerability and trust do not come easy. Yet, after all these years, after all my unconscious attempts to test him, to pu...